What can a dragonfly teach us about forgiveness? Explore how releasing the past, embracing transformation, and allowing ourselves to unfold can open the way to greater freedom and peace.
Shedding Light on Forgiveness
Forgiveness is something we often talk about but struggle to truly experience. What does it take to release old pains? How do we let go of the armor that keeps us from living freely? In a recent spiritual talk, a teacher shared the story of the dragonfly’s life cycle, illustrating how deeply our own journey of forgiveness mirrors this natural process.
The teacher began with a grounding meditation, inviting the community to “observe your thoughts, whether they be happy or sad. Neither cling to nor reject them. Just notice them and return to the calm awareness of your breath.” This gentle awareness serves as a foundation for the work of transformation that follows.
The Hidden Life Beneath the Surface
Most of us have seen dragonflies darting effortlessly across summer ponds, their transparent wings catching the sun. Yet, as the speaker revealed, few realize that a dragonfly spends the vast majority of its life submerged below the surface, unseen and unglamorous.
“There is this hidden life underwater,” the teacher noted. “A dragonfly spends a vast majority of its life, up to 5 years depending on the species, submerged in these dark, murky depths of ponds and streams.” In this juvenile stage, called the nymph, the dragonfly is rugged, armored, and designed solely for survival. It breathes through gills, walks at the bottom, and has no idea of what is possible above.
Behind this armor, though, “tightly bound inside are small, wing sheaths on its back, the blueprint for flight, and it’s already hidden.” The nymph cannot imagine the sky, just as we, lost in our hurts or resentments, cannot picture liberation or peace. “Its entire reality is defined by the heavy water.”
Metamorphosis and the Pain of Change
Transformation begins not with action, but with readiness. When the time comes to move beyond darkness, “the dragonfly undergoes a complete metamorphosis. It must completely leave behind the environment it has sustained for years.”
Emerging from the water is a vulnerable process. The dragonfly climbs a reed, then “there’s a split. Once anchored safely in the open air, a biological shift occurs, and the hardcore outer exoskeleton along the back of its head and chest actually splits open. And then slowly and delicately, the adult dragonfly pushes its way out of its old casing...leaving a perfect hollow shell still clinging to the reed.” This is not a gentle transition. It is an act of courage.
The parallel to our own lives is clear: “Living as a nymph underwater is like carrying the heavy weight of resentment, hurt, or unforgiveness. It limits our view, anchoring us to the dark floor of the past.” In order to step into a new reality, we must be willing to let go of our armor, no matter how much it has protected us.
The Vulnerability of Forgiveness
Exposing ourselves, leaving the safety of old defenses, stirs fear. “Forgiveness requires us to shed the protective armor we built up to survive. Exposing our softest selves to the light.” The speaker emphasized that the process can be strenuous, even painful, comparing it to the dragonfly infusing blood into its delicate, crumpled wings as they slowly unfurl.
The past does not disappear, but it loses its grip: “The history remains. Not saying...let it go and forget about it. The history remains. However, the hollow casing left on the reed is letting go of what is bondage, what holds us, what defines us.” In essence, memory remains, but the emotional weight, the bondage, is released.
So, the question arises: “Is it absolutely worth it for us to carry all of this on our backs or in the deep murky mud of our minds?” The answer offered was gentle but firm: “No, it is not.”
Freedom: The Gift Underneath It All
Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the one who hurt us; it is the gift we give ourselves. “When we harbor resentment, we aren’t punishing the other person. We are forcing ourselves to keep living in the deep, dark waters.” Most of the people involved likely moved on long ago, but the resentment keeps us stuck where we are.
“Carrying a grudge keeps you submerged in the dark, heavy waters of the past,” the speaker warned. “You put on a false, ‘this is who I am, and I will only let you this far into my life.’” True freedom begins when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable, to “break that armor apart.”
And what lies beyond? “Peace and freedom.” It is not instantaneous, nor is it easy, but the reward is profound. “The wings you didn’t know you had were there all along...just waiting for you to climb out of the muck of yesterday.”
Taking the First Step (and the Next Thousand)
Forgiveness is not passive. “You have to take responsibility, right? We always have to take action.” Sometimes, the very first step is the hardest, but “one foot to start...and 1,000 steps later, you’re there.” This journey unfolds one choice at a time.
The universe supports us when we make the choice to release and move forward. “The universe always comes along and supports you. Why? Because the universe says yes...absolutely.”
The metaphor deepens as the dragonfly, once dried and strengthened by the sun, discovers it can fly. “It takes flight into a completely new dimension, leaving its bottom-dwelling past permanently behind.” This is what forgiveness offers us: “We step into the reality that our past self could never imagine. It’s freedom. And this is what we need. We need the freedom to move on.”
Unpacking the Hidden Gifts
Personal growth is not about denying our experiences, but about unpacking them. The speaker described “unpacking hidden gifts,” likening it to peeling away layers of wrapping paper: “Remember the biggest gift under the Christmas tree and you open it only to find a smaller gift all wrapped...and then another.” After layers and effort, at the heart of it all, “three words are inscribed in gold in a little heart. And it says, you are forgiven. That gift was always there, always inscribed in your heart. It was always yours, but you had to do the work to find it.”
“True grace, the grace of God, does require effort. It requires time.” The transformation is real, sometimes messy or slow, but always possible.
Rising Above the Past
When we forgive, we do not change the past, but “we completely alter our relationship to it. We shed the heavy casing of old wounds and step into new life, realizing that we have wings.”
The pain we endured, even the muddy years, becomes the foundation for our awakening. “You look back at the pain, you see it for what it is, a discarded shell. Every time you open a pistachio and you eat the pistachio and you discard the shell, I want you to think of that dragonfly. Discard the shell. Think of all that you have let go of. Discard the shell, and you will fly into a completely new dimension of emotional freedom.”
Forgiveness is not approval of the hurt but liberation from it: “Forgiveness isn’t saying what happened was okay. It’s leaving the empty shell of your past on the reeds so you can finally fly.”
Takeaway: The Secret of Change
The journey is personal, sometimes difficult, but the ultimate invitation is to claim the peace and freedom that has always been within us. “Let your folded wings expand and claim the peace and the freedom that’s always been yours.”
As Socrates wisely said, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but building the new.” Like the dragonfly, you were never meant to live forever in the shadows of old pain. The sky awaits.
Every small act of forgiveness can be the split in your own shell. With time, patience, and courage, your wings will unfurl. The freedom you seek is already yours, set yourself free, and fly.